I have been meaning to write another post for some time, and now that people have stopped expecting another post- my blog having died a slow and tragic death- I have decided this is the perfect time to revive it. To drag its bloated corpse from the depths of wherever it went and to let everyone know I am well, healthy, and relevant again. You are welcome.
I reread a few of my last posts on this blog. As the kids say, it was ‘yikes’, but mental health does that to you. We’ve all been there.
So, my real question is how I reacquaint myself with this blog and what I possibly have to offer. There are many things I would like to say, but these topics usually have nothing to do with me at all. I feel that, now I am in a much better place mentally, there is not much left to say when it comes to the journey that I began with you all. I have aired my grievances to the Universe and it heard. And sometimes, it smacked me back in the face.
I suppose I should briefly mention what has changed for me since I last wrote here. As I can see, the last time I wrote was when I was still studying for my undergraduate. Good news all- I graduated! Brilliant, I know. I received a Bachelors Degree in Science of all things and you will be pleased to hear that I am now studying for a Masters. What, you ask? Abnormal and Clinical Psychology.
What did I do in the meantime? I had a year out from education. Doing what? Mind your own business.
Well, that was a lovely catch-up…
The issue with this blog is that I am no longer the person I was in the beginning. I started this around the same time I started my own journey, not necessarily into adulthood, but into my mental and spiritual health. I have changed- as is the cyclical nature of life- and I feel I am still changing, forever morphing until I become someone I am completely happy with, but I am already on that journey, have made considerable progress, and I have found, when faced with the result, I am proud of what I have done and who I have become. I am not the person I was when I started this and the evidence lies blatantly in my past ramblings, what this blog was intended to be.
So, I come back to the question of what now? What is there possibly left to say?
I suppose I am in a position, at this point in time, where I have learnt from my experiences, from the good and bad that I have done, yet equally endured, and the way we go through life expecting extremes when we should learn to accept the grey areas instead. Life can be complicated, and to expect a linear passage through it is futile. We all know that perfection is impossible, but so is expecting life to be nothing but negative.
And so, in this way, I suppose I am in the fortunate position of saying that I was beaten and bruised, but I have healed. Perhaps not entirely- there are always sore spots that need a little attention, but they no longer prevent me from living my life. There is more to life than my disability, my mental health problems; there is always more to say, to discover. I would like to use this platform to do that and if it isn’t to your taste, I suppose you can simply not come here again.
Yet, it is important, having come from such a place, to acknowledge that life does get better. To say how and why, and to not neglect the fact that my past influenced my present. It would be absurd and irresponsible for me to dismiss a part of my life that was monumental, and not share my experiences and the journey I have undertaken to come out the other side. I am here now, but that isn’t the case for everyone.
As for those who have never been on that journey, well, then they must understand. Disability and mental health isn’t shameful or a taboo, nor is it something that we must keep quiet about. To do so would be ignorant. If my life or my identity makes people uncomfortable, the greatest thing you can do is to speak out and make them even more uncomfortable. I have no more apologies to give; I have done my time and suffered through it, plead guilty when there was nothing to be guilty for.
They say honesty is the best policy. Well, it is time to be honest- to wake up to the world around you and those little flaws in people and their lives which make them ashamed when, in actuality, there is nothing to be sorry for.
I have not come here to preach or to lecture. People will listen only if they wish to, but I think it is time to bring back why talking about your experiences is important. To those who were once in the same position as me, to those who still are, and to those who have never had to contemplate what that must be like because it has never affected them.
I still couldn’t say the direction I want this blog to go in, nor when I will be back, but I will be. There is always more to be done.